Enchanted
by StrongatHeart
Summary: Something is seriously wrong with Brian, and Justin is afraid he knows what it is. Crack!fic


**Title: Enchanted**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Queer as Folk. It belongs to Showtime and Cowlip.**

**Warnings: Extremely weird. I mean really.**

Justin cradled the receiver between his ear and his shoulder as he removed the thermometer from Brian's mouth, and checked it with a frown on his face. Perfectly normal temperature. He felt his lover's forehead for the umpteenth time that day. He didn't feel warm...

"Michael, I'm telling you, something is seriously wrong with him," he said urgently into the phone, biting his lip as he observed Brian staring, unblinkingly, straight ahead, his eyes glazed over.

"Did he take anything? Or too much of something?" Michael asked, concern for his best friend evident in his voice.

"No. Not that I know of. We haven't even gone to Babylon or anything all week. Monday, he had to work late, and then we just stayed home and watched a DVD together, and then yesterday he went to babysit Gus for Mel and Linds. They had to do some parent-teacher thing for Gus at school... and when he got home, he just walked straight over to the bed and he's just been sitting there ever since, just staring at the wall," Justin explained to Michael.

"Maybe he's just really tired?" suggested Michael. "Or stressed about something. Work, maybe?"

Justin sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "All right, I didn't want to have to go here, but... Okay, Michael, I'm sitting _right _next to him. He can hear every word I'm saying."

"Okay..." said Michael slowly, unsure where this was going.

Justin took a deep breath. "Michael, Brian loves me. He loves me_ so _much, and he just _loves _to hug me and kiss me and tell me I'm beautiful and that I'm the most important person in the entire world to him."

Michael blanched. "Oh my God. He...he's sitting right there?"

"Yeah."

"And he didn't...oh, God, he didn't even try to take the phone? Or tell you to shut the fuck up? _Nothing?" _

"Nope."

"Oh God, oh _God... _he just let you...something's not right, Justin. The Brian we know would have thrown a temper tantrum, thrown the phone across the room, and refused to put out for a week if he heard you say that."

"That's my point! Something's _wrong _with him, Michael!" Justin said vehemently.

Michael nodded numbly, though Justin couldn't see him over the phone. "All right. I'm coming over. Give me an hour."

* * *

Justin was all too grateful to throw open the door an hour later to reveal a fearful looking Michael, who exchanged a significant look with him before striding over the threshold into the loft.

"He's still in bed?" he asked, shrugging off his coat and draping it over the back of the couch.

"His favorite place in the world. What better place to completely lose all sanity?" Justin shrugged, leading Michael back toward the bedroom. Michael followed with some trepidation.

"Wow," he said softly upon seeing Brian, who was still gazing sightlessly ahead and had shown no sign that he even registered Michael's presence. "He looks like a pod-person from issue 131 of Captain Astro, after all the evil squid overlords sucked out their brains and turned them into mindless zombies."

Justin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Did Michael have to relate _everything _to comic books? "Very interesting, but what's _wrong _with him?"

Michael tentatively waved a hand in front of Brian's face. He didn't even blink. "I don't...I don't know," the Italian man said softly. "He's been like this since last night?"

Justin nodded. "I'm surprised he managed to get home without causing an accident. I thought about taking him to the hospital, but I don't think there's anything physically wrong with him, you know? I think it's just something..."

"Brian," finished Michael.

"Well, yeah," admitted Justin. "Plus, I can't get him to move. And I thought calling an ambulance would be just a _little _melodramatic."

To both Justin and Michael's intense surprise, Brian gave a small, sharp yelp, causing both of them to jump.

"What happened? Why'd he do that?" demanded Michael, panicking slightly.

"I don't know...that's the first noise he's made since last night. Brian?" Justin leaned over his (unconventional) boyfriend to look him in sightless eyes. "Brian, can you hear me?"

But Brian had fallen silent once again.

Justin and Michael sighed, sinking down on the bed near Brian's feet.

"Maybe...something happened," Michael said darkly. "On the way to or from Mel and Lindsay's."

Justin frowned, considering the possibility. "Something like what, though?"

Michael shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe we can call the girls and ask if anything about him seemed weird when he got there?"

Justin nodded, standing up. "Yeah, I'll get the phone."

Ten minutes later, Justin returned to the bedroom, clicking off the phone and dropping it onto the bed. He followed it a moment later, his expression significantly sinister.

"So? What'd they say?" Michael questioned eagerly.

"Something must have happened there," he said so quietly that Michael had to lean closer to hear him.

"What? What do you mean something happened there?"

Justin looked desperately up at Michael. "They said he was fine when he got there. Or at least he looked fine... and Melanie said he insulted her, accidentally said 'fuck' in front of Gus, and made a few lewd comments that got Lindsay all upset...so he sounds like he was the regular old Brian when he got there."

"But then?" Michael prodded.

"Then when they got back...something had changed. He was just sitting there, like he is now... letting Gus draw on the walls with a crayon. He wouldn't say a word to any of them. Lindsay offered to drive him home, but he just went out to his car and got in... kind of in a daze."

"But...what happened?" Michael asked. "What could have happened while they were gone to make him act like—"

"Do not _even _say a pod-person from issue one hundred-and-whatever-the-fuck of Captain Astro!" Justin snapped irritably.

Michael pouted indignantly. "It was one hundred thirty one," he muttered. Justin glared at him. "So...what did he and Gus do?" the older man asked, hastily changing the subject. "Anything that would make Brian freak out and lose it?"

"What could a five year old come up with that would do this to Brian?" asked the blond reasonably. "Mel said she asked Gus what happened with Brian later, and all he said was they had lots of fun. They watched a movie and then _'Daddy let me color on the wall!'" _

Michael snorted. "I'll bet Melanie and Lindsay are having a blast trying to get that off. At least it wasn't marker."

"Maybe..." Justin began thoughtfully, chewing on his lower lip. "Maybe Brian let Gus watch something. Something scary...a horror movie."

Michael raised his eyebrows. "And it scared Brian and not Gus?"

Justin shrugged. "Maybe Gus didn't understand it enough to be scared."

"But what would scare _Brian?" _Michael asked.

Justin pressed his lips together. "Hmm... hetero porn...lesbian porn..."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Even Brian wouldn't let Gus watch porn."

Justin groaned, falling back on the bed beside Brian. "I don't know. I just want him better."

Michael sat in thought as Justin attempted to burrow himself in Brian's side.

"That's...how..."

Justin sprang from Brian's side, and Michael was sure he tore something in his neck from turning so quickly to look at his best friend.

"Did you hear that? He just talked!" Justin said excitedly.

"Shh!" Michael shushed the blond.

"You...know..."

Brian's voice was an expressionless, dull monotone, like a zombie out of a bad horror movie. But he was speaking in recognizable English, at least, which was more than he'd done in the last fifteen hours.

"Bri?" Justin asked cautiously.

"You've got...to show..."

"Brian!" said Michael a little more sharply.

"Each...day..." Brian continued obliviously.

"Fuck, Brian, what's the matter with you?" cried Justin desperately.

"Dancing..." Brian muttered almost unintelligibly, his eyes widening even further.

"Dancing? Who's dancing?" demanded Justin harshly.

"Dancing and...dancing and singing... so much singing..."

"No one's singing, Brian," said Michael, laying a hand on Brian's knee while Justin clutched at his partner's arm.

"Talking about..._love..._singing...and talking about love..."

Michael and Justin exchanged dark looks, now seriously considering the loss of Brian's sanity.

"Coming to life...prince...find...princess..."

"Find who? What prince and princess?" Justin urged him.

"Giselle..."

Michael raised his eyebrows. "Giselle? Who's—?"

"Oh my God," Justin interrupted softly. "Michael...I think I know... oh, no..."

"What? _What!?" _Michael demanded, his eyes almost as wide as Brian's.

"Michael, I think...I think I know what happened."

"What? _What _happened?"

"It's horrible..." Justin shuddered. "And to Brian, it must have been like being force-fed poison..."

At the word poison, Brian jumped about a mile in the air. "Poison! Poison...apples!" he shrieked.

Justin looked at him sadly. "It's worse than I thought."

"Will you please tell me what the fuck happened to him?!"

Justin took a deep, calming breath. "Michael, he watched_ Enchanted." _

Michael continued to look hopelessly clueless. "What? What the fuck's _Enchanted?"_

"It's a movie," Justin explained. "It's about these animated fairy-tale characters that get sent through a portal to the real world."

"You think he watched it?" Michael asked dubiously. "And that's what's got him all...like this?"

"Michael, you don't understand. This movie... it's not _natural. _They _sing. _And _dance. _To songs about _love."_

Michael was slightly distracted by the fact that, at the mention of the word "love," Brian gave a little scream and attempted to scurry into his pillows. Justin patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"It's terrible. I watched it with Daphne about a month ago," the younger man continued. "She couldn't eat anything for three days. It's worse than anything I've ever experienced in my life."

"But...you were hit with a _bat..."_ Michael pointed out slowly.

Justin nodded sagely. "I know."

Michael raised a skeptical eyebrow. "So you think Brian watched this movie and now he's totally lost what little sanity he's managed to retain to the age of thirty-four?"

Justin nodded again. "He must have watched it with Gus. What other explanation is there? He watched the movie, and now he's talking about poison apples and dancing and love and people named Giselle. That's the only thing it could be."

"So, what do we do?" Michael asked.

Justin simply laid down on Brian's left side, slipping an arm around his lover's back. Brian, who was lying on his stomach with his head buried under his pillow, twitched. "Now we wait. Provide moral support for when what I like to call the 'EEE' wears off."

"The what?

"Evil _Enchanted _Effect."

Still finding it terribly difficult to believe that a movie suitable for five-year olds could have done so much internal damage to his best friend, but taking Justin's word for it anyway, Michael settled down on Brian's other side, and rested an arm on his shoulder.

* * *

--Three Days Later--

* * *

"Ben? Hunter?" Michael called, dropping his keys on the table and kicking off his shoes.

"Hey, baby," Ben greeted him, coming out to greet him with a quick kiss.

"'Sup, dude?" asked Hunter, who had followed at Ben's heels, punching Michael lightly on the shoulder as his own particular brand of greeting.

"'Sup, son?" Michael chuckled. "Hey, I got a movie for us to watch tonight, if anyone's interested."

"What'd you get?" asked Ben.

"Probably some boring old movie with some boring old geezer," groaned Hunter.

"No, Justin was telling me about it the other day, and it got me curious. It's called _Enchanted..." _

* * *

**Disclaimer Number Two: Just to be safe, I don't own Enchanted either, or any characters, or the little bits of lyrics I used as Brian's dialog. I didn't want to put this at the beginning or I was afraid it would give the story away, well, more than the title already did, lol. **

**A/N: This probably sucks, but after practically being forced to watch Enchanted, (long story) I had to write it anyway, lol. It wasn't a terrible movie, and there were parts I really liked, but it did get on my nerves a bit, with the Mary-Sue-ish characters, (which I guess are supposed to be that way, but still) and all the singing about love and all that, lol. I guess I haven't watched a family-friendly-type movie in a while. Plus I couldn't help thinking during pretty much every part of the movie exactly what Brian would say if he was watching it, lol. I guess that's probably a sign I'm way too obsessed with Queer as Folk :D**


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